My Animalistic Valentine

When I was fourteen, the most popular - and creative - boy in my class asked me out on Valentine's Day. Naturally, I was flattered, thrilled and highly anticipating some grand romantic gesture. As you do at 14. On the day, he arrived with a bunch of red carnations, which are usually used for decorating tombstones in our hometown. So far, not so romantic but my teenage heart remained hopeful. But not for long as our walk ended at the local zoo, where we walked around until he settled on a bench in front of the monkey enclosure and unpacked a lunch box from his rucksack. Ahead of us, a male baboon unpacked his proverbial lunch box and began humping his mate. Now, as an adult, I know animal watching can be fascinating, romantic even, in the wild. But watching them go at it in a cage on the most romantic day of the year strikes me (even now) as beyond odd. Needless to say it was excruciatingly embarrassing to watch the primate porn. But there's more.. After they finished their (or his?) business, the male reached out and grabbed my bouquet to the delight of his girlfriend, who munched on it happily. At least, she enjoyed her Valentine's Day that year.